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firelycan
02-28-2010, 07:00 PM
There was white all around me, I was freezing and I felt cold all over. I remembered everything in a flash, I knew I shouldn't of joined the expidition for Mount Everest but where was everyone else? I could barely see anything because of the raging blizzard. I stood up. I walked forward and kept walking even though I didn't want to move because of the unbearable cold. It felt like hours until I saw something, but it turned out to be a rock. I kept walking until I reached a cave. It was deserted and it was big enough to lay out a bedroll. I fell asleep quickly, but soon I was awoken by heavy footsteps. I saw at the mouth of the cave a huge bulking figure, eight feet or larger approaching. I hid in a small crevice and when I saw it walk by, I identified it.
It was the Abominable Snowman. When he was far enough from me, I dashed to the outside to escape the Yeti's cave. Everything went wrong when I tripped and the Yeti heard me. He turned and chased after me. I then realized this might be my last day to live.


I made a foolish mistake by looking at the Yeti. That meant I didn't see where I was going. I slipped on some ice and almost fell off an edge of a cliff.
Luckily, I had a firm grip with my gloves but I was still slipping millimeter by millimeter. The Yeti wondered where I went but soon he found my scent and found me hanging with my life. He reached down to pick me up but I lost my grip and fell from certain death. I knew I might've died from the fall. I was blessed to survive since I fell into a snowbank. I had cuts, bruises and partly fractured bones but I was alive

war of time
03-01-2010, 07:57 PM
More sentence variety. Try to use conjunctions more because the it would convey a stronger sense of urgency.

firelycan
03-01-2010, 09:44 PM
hmm you're right
hey u like rayquaza SWEET

LOVE EM BUT DONT HAVE EM how did u get em