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drakebubb
03-17-2010, 09:48 PM
Well this is the first chapter, Im not done with the whole story. Please tell me what you think.

Chapter 1: The Departure


"Are you coming?" asked Brian Lezall. This young man was very peculiar. He was different from all the

other humans in his village. He had longer ears, could see and hear extremely well, and was lighter, faster and

taller than all the other people. Most people disliked him and most of the other 17 year old's made fun of him.

"Can you just wait a second. You know, I can't run as fast as you." replied a tired Joe Balan, Brian's best

friend. Joe was shorter than all the other humans. He was about 5 feet tall, if that. Along with his shortness

he was stronger than the other humans, which made it so he wasn't called midget for long.

These two had been friends ever since they were five. Joe helped Brian with bully's and Brian helped Joe

exercise, which turned out to be good for both of them.

"You really don't wanna miss this. I heard it was very special." Brian told him, slowing down so koe would

catch up. Indeed he really didn't want want to miss this. Brian was told by his friend Gadillian Fenik, that some

weird people had shown up to the North side of Lonar, the town they lived in.

"You say that a lot. A lot of the times i really could have cared less if i saw the stuff or not." Joe told Brian.

They went over to the north side, and met up with Gadillian.


"Look over there," Gadillian told them, pointing towards some people on horses. Of course, they looked and

saw people they had never seen before. They were dressed in bright white clothing and rode white horses.

They were at least 7 and a half feet tall and had long ears, like Brians. Their friend Harry Remen Walked over

to the group of three.

"I think they like white." Harry said amusingly.

"Yeah," Brian said, clearly amazed "They're taller than I am. I feel short for once." "Who are they, they look

very...." Joe started "Different." He finished after a moments pause. Humans in the town of Lonar had never

seen elves before, with the exception of some of the older folk. The leader of the elves walked up to the

leader of the town, Hanar, and talked to him for about thirty seconds. He walked up in front of all the humans

and started saying, "Humans of Lonar, I am afraid to tell you that you are no longer safe here. There is a great

evil coming this way and if you do not evacuate this place, you will all be killed, or forced to work as slaves."

"Well mister tall guy, where do you suppose we go? This is the only place many of has ever known." Said a

villager named John. A number of people from the audience agreed with him and said a couple "yeah's".

"Where else but to the Elven lands of Enaria. My people will help you build a city there so you can live on

peacefully." The Elven King replied. Most of the humans agreed with him.

"Hey Gade, do you believe all this stuff about evil forces coming are way?" Asked Harry, as if he thought all

the stuff the Elf said was a whole bunch of crap. Gade was what Gadillian was usually called. Gade thought

about the whole idea, believing what the Elf had said.

"Yes," Gade replied, "I do." Harry looked at him like he was crazy. He was about to reply when the Elven King

started talking again.

"I will give you people 2 hours to get whatever you need to bring and pack it up to your wagons or whatever

you people use here to travel." All the villagers started going to their houses to pack up what they needed.

Brian, Joe, Harry, and Gade all lived on the same street. As they were walking through the dusty town, they

ran into a kid named Tom. Tom was not the nicest kid in the village. He was lean, had greasy looking black

hair, and wore trashy clothes, which was 'cool' to wear.

"Hey look over there," He said pointing towards the group of four to his groupies, "It's The Giant, The Midget,

The Coward, and The Nerd" His groupies started laughing along with him. Harry was called coward as he wasn't

the most courageous one in the group, and Gade was called the nerd because he was very smart.

"Oh, are you trying to impress your boyfriends?" Joe said, coolly "How about you and me fight it out right

now? Then you could impress your boyfriends some more, that is if you can beat me." Tom took one look at

Joe and got a terrified look on his face. He turned around and started walking the other way. Of course, his

groupies followed him. The group thanked Joe and went back to their houses to get packed.

The humans all walked back to the north side and waited. After a while the Elf King walked up and said, "Well

if you are all ready then lets head towards Enaria." All the humans got into their carts and followed the elves

on their horses.

Not every human left Lonar that day. In fact only four didn't. They had not finished packing their stuff into

their carts and got left behind. They drove their carts through the deserted, dusty town. They got to where

the Elven King had originally stood. They looked around the flat landscape and disn't see anyone.

"Where did everyone go?" asked Gade. Brian looked around and repiled, "I, don't know."

"We obviously got left behind. I think we should follow the path and catch up." Joe said, acting like a leader,

"It looks like they left about thirty minutes ago. So they aren't that far ahead." Joe finished looking at the

three to see if they agreed. His wish came true and the agreed. They walked out of the massive town gate

and saw something more beautiful than anything they had ever seen. The forest of Lonar. It had Big redwood

trees and many plants that varied from Lilacs to Roses. The weird thing was that all the trees, and some of

the plants, were blue.

They admired the beauty of the forest. They saw a path leading through the forest.

"Do you think we should go through the forest?' Gade asked, "I mean if we do we would probably catch up to

the rest of the people." He finshed. They agreed but, Joe had one thing to say. "Haven't you heard about the

beast of the Forest?" He asked, "It is supposed to be some giant lizard sort of thing that can fly and will kill

anyone who passes through this forest."

They thought about this but decided that it was just a myth. They started walking towards the path and into

the forest.


After about an hour traveling through the forest they lost the path.

"I think we should stop here for the night and set up camp." Harry said pointing towards a area beneath a

giant oak tree.

"Yeah this looks good. It's getting late so we probably should rest." Brian said, agreeing with Harry.

They set up camp and started to cook some Gile, which is a pig like creature. They ate their food and went

to bed in their brown and green tents.


After about an hour, Brian was the only one awake. He thought about the misfortune that had happened to

them. He also couldn't help but think that there was more misfortune down the road. He didn't know what it

would be or why, he just knew.


Hoped you liked my first Chapter i will add more whenever i write it.

ultimatebleachfan101
03-18-2010, 05:03 PM
good story.

drakebubb
03-18-2010, 05:06 PM
thank you. im workin on the second chapter right now.

ultimatebleachfan101
03-18-2010, 05:07 PM
thank you. im workin on the second chapter right now.

well, good luck with that.

drakebubb
03-18-2010, 05:09 PM
thanks.

Jefff
03-18-2010, 06:58 PM
Just some formatting advice, don't use hard line breaks (that is, where you press enter) except at the end of a paragraph, my browser is narrower than yours, so I see a full line followed by one or two words, then a full line... Every webbrowser word wraps, so it's just a pain to read.

Don't add a blank line between every line, because it's difficult to read, if I want text to be double spaced, I will set my browser to display text double spaced, again, this is annoying.

drakebubb
03-18-2010, 07:12 PM
sorry but did you like it.

drakebubb
03-29-2010, 10:14 PM
well I havent wrote in a while i will be righting more in the next week since next week is spring break for me.